im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
