Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
