Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
