He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
