there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
