every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
