There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize