Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
