I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
