The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
