I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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