Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize