The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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