And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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