I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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