My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
