Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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