I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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