...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
