I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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