So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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