We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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