Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
