Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
