Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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