Don't you send me to vm
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
