i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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