My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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