Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
