3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
