Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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