i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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