We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I will pee on everything he values.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
