You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
