He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize