1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
