I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
