so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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