we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
