Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
