i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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