why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
