Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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