my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
