Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
