theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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