The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
