He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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