So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
