I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
