You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
