but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
