I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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