Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
