I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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