i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
