Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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