oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
