He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
