her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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