He told me they were just razor bumps!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
