i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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