In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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